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My Story of Early Deconstruction

How My Father’s Loving Response Set Me On The Path of Revelationship


Deconstruction is the current rage right now, but I deconstructed my faith when I was 13, over thirty years ago. I informed my parents—pastors in a local, spirit-filled, non-denominational church—that I wasn't sure this Christianity thing was for me. Instead of panicking or overreacting, my Dad helped me check out books on each major religion (and a few not-so-major ones.) The stack was as tall as I was.

​As I studied, some religions were easy to discard. For example, I had no intention of giving up my right to drive so nixing the Muslim religion was a no-brainer—for that and other obvious reasons. Some religions took longer to dissect: Hinduism, New Age, Buddhism, and Judaism. You name it, I studied it.

At the end of the year, I realized the truth of Jesus Christ and the lengths of his pursuit of me. I rededicated my life to him. The God who pursued me caught up to me. This launched my pursuit of him.

To pursue Christ, I dove into questioning Christianity, knowing that if something is true, it can withstand questioning. I am grateful that my father encouraged me to study theology, read copiously, deconstruct man-made traditions, question everything, and pursue Christ—all things revered by the first wave of deconstructionists in Church history. And, as I began to pursue, I began to find him just like Christ promised.

I discovered his nearness when I lost my first child (Psalm 34:18). I discovered his faithfulness as a husband (Isaiah 54) when the first man I married left me to pursue others. I discovered his voice when everything unraveled (Isaiah 30:21). His voice led me to Absolute Surrender—a slim book on my grandmother’s shelf by Andrew Murray. Powered by surrender, the pursuit intensified. I discovered his strength when serious health issues arose, threatening my new marriage. I discovered his peace that passes all understanding when I waited years for the two children he promised in a vision. I discovered his calling when I held both in my arms. I walked in his authority when I tested his instructions on how to pray for miracles. Faith that has proven God’s goodness increased my thirst for more of His presence.

The thirst for His presence renewed my pursuit in prayer and His Word. I began to look for all the ways God reveals himself, starting with the wealth of revelation in the first two chapters of Genesis.

As I slowly wended my way through scripture, spending more than seven years in Genesis, my eyes became trained to see the God who longs to reveal himself. Over and over again, He declares, “I am the God who…” I found the God Who Creates, the God Who Calls Something From Nothing, the God Who Separates, the God Who Dwells With Us, the God Who Wins Us In The End, the God Who Sees Us, the God Who Renames Us, the God Who Carries Us By His Own Hand, and so many more revelations of who God is and what he does.

Moses hides his face from the revelation of God’s glory amid the bush that burns without being consumed. Moses sees who he is in light of God’s holiness—and is forever humbled. All of Israel backs away in terror when God’s throne descends on Mt. Sinai, scorching the mountain and searing into their hearts the realization that a holy God dwells in unapproachable holiness. Isaiah, a man with a reputation for righteousness, responds in dismayed awe when he sees God’s throne—he repents for himself and his people. Peter tells Jesus to go away from him because he knows he is a sinner standing in the presence of holiness. Paul is knocked to the ground by the light of Christ, surrenders immediately, and becomes a relentless firebrand of the Gospel. John is so overcome by his vision of Christ that he falls "like a dead man.”

​I began to compile these revelations—both the explicit ones and the more overt ones hidden in the biblical stories. I shared with others how to look for these and soon, they found the Old Testament no longer dusty and irrelevant, but alive and teeming with revelation. My Dad had me share my findings with his interns at his home church. They later dived into the purpose behind God revealing himself: relationship.

As they talked through revelation and relationship, he accidentally combined the words, writing revelationship on the whiteboard.

The resulting book, Revelationship (Enroute Media, 2024), is meant to open readers to the ways God reveals himself as he pursues us for relationship.

In a world deconstructing, Christ reveals himself—the indestructible cornerstone of all that it means to thrive. When we embrace Christ’s revelations of his character and his great passion for a relationship with us, he personally and uniquely meets our deepest needs, wrestles our deepest questions, and heals our deepest hurt. This is revelationship.

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